Predicting a lack of predictions

It has only been 3 short days since the Twin Towers attacks and I can already predict a lot of naysayers, especially people at the JREF will try and convince people that psychics are fake because no one predicted the events of 9/11.  I’m seeing a name, it is something like Steve or Stephen.  I also see a computer, it looks like a PackardBell.  I’m thinking Steve Bell or Stephen Packard.  What, no one named Steve Bell blogs on the JREF site? OK, yep it is definitely Stephen Packard.

Well here is what I have to say to you Stephen Packard — You shut your mouth, you have no idea how hard it is to be a psychic.  First I had to pay for my certification.  And then wait 5 whole business days.  Plus the “specialties” selection was just a radio button, so it took me at least 20 minutes deciding which was my most powerful specialty.  Was it voodoo, or psychic detective work, or spell-casting?  I’m so good at all of them.  Luckily I foresaw that problem with the application and I spent my 20 minutes deciding well before I even reached the page.

Then, I had to enhance my abilities so that I could accurately predict things.  Maybe not everyone is as dedicated as I am.  Maybe they didn’t remember to “start and end [their] sessions with a small prayer”.  Maybe that is why they didn’t predict the 9/11 attacks.

Or maybe they were just afraid of being made fun of.  Like always.  It is almost impossible to make a prediction without letting a few ‘pew pew pew‘ noises slip out.  Do you know how embarrassing it would have been to say “Na nananananana – A terrorist attack is coming on 9/11 pew pew pew pew” on national TV?  No one would have believed us anyway.

So in summation.  FU JREF and FU Stephen Packard for claiming my powers don’t exist.  I bet you will feel really foolish writing this article 8 years from now and then seeing that I predicted it all the way back here in 2001.

*No tricks were used in the making of this blog post.  I promise, and you can trust me, I’m a psychic.

 

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